Like Something Out of A Bond Film

Imagine - your on a bus, it's the middle of the night, you've finally gotten to sleep and you wake up in some bizarre border town lit by neon casino lights with Stalinist looking apartment blocks standing sentry everywhere.

You then pull up at a border station, some guy with a gun gets on and takes everybody's passports. Then a woman with a dog gets on and walks the aisles. Then the man with the gun comes back and hands everybody back their passports.

The bus starts up again, crosses a bridge and then pulls off the highway and into what looks like a dilapidated petrol station. Everybody gathers up all their belongings and gets off the bus. It's night, it's freezing.

You go into petrol station ype building and queue for a while. Give the lady your passport and then she starts yelling at you, in Russian, before calling another lady over and then dragging you to a table. Turns out she only wants to help you fill out the form.

So while it passed without incident, our 2 AM Russian border crossing was extremely intimidating.

And then we arrived in St. Petersburg. Bleary eyed, half awake, we stood in the middle of a bustling carpark where I felt like everybody was sizing me up trying to decide who could rob us first.

We got to the train station, we got some roubles (we had NOTHING on us), worked out which train station we were at and then sussed out a way to get to our Metro station and then eventually, in the pitch black 7AM, to our hostel.

Tallin in 2/12 Days

Stepping off our pre-dawn flight in the midst of a glorious Baltic winter we milled around on the bus platform outside the airport waiting for one of the other new arrivals to take the initiative so we could follow them.

When we did make it into town we set off on a quest that would have done Frodo proud. The culmination came with Kate standing in the snow while I ran up and down surrounding streets searching for oaur hostel as my fingers turned blue. The street - it was actually the one we didn't check almnost directly opposite us.

With the hostel located, bags stashed and our hands rewarmed we set off towards Toompea which is the old fort over looking the Old Town of Tallinn. Climbing up some cobblestone stairs to stand beside the wall of the oldest building I've ever seen as the empty park was slowly filled with snow was truly special. We spent the rest of the afternoon milling around Toompea, checking out Estonian parliament and then visited a Museum of the Occupation of Estonia which was good but we were way too tired. We were also struggling to adapt to this dark at 4:00 thing.

We cruised through Medieval World/Old Town for a little while checking out the Christmas markets in the square then headed home to be in bed before 9.

The next day we got up and caught a tram down to the thickly wooded Kadriorg Park and took a stroll through this magical park with a thin covering of snow. The ponds had started to freeze over - one was even trapping an errant shopping trolley beneath the surface. There were some museums in the park to check out as well including Peter the Great's Estonian cottage. To finish it off we walked down to the Baltic to see a little, albeit very shitty, beach and feel the icy waters.



The rest of our time we spent wandering through Old Town, climbing its walls, visiting an Estonian Naval Mine museum with two extremely friendly guides, another maritime museum, some ancient churchs and various other buildings most of which dated from the fourteenth or fifteenth century. For dinner we ate in a restaurant that was built into the Old Town wall and we spent the afternoons drinking coffee watching the traffic park of the town square where the Christmas markets were set up.

In summary, Tallinn was a stunning, if overly touristy, medieval town with ancient buildings, archways, winding cobbled streets and secret little laneways. I know this doesn't exactly do it justice but when we find a computer that will let me post pictures I will. Till then... use Google Images.

Bye Bye Bangkok

My last two days in Bangkok were reasonably unexciting but I did get in some time to see the essential sites. Day One, after a three hour flood delay, I got in at the very comfortable time of nine, found a hostel, dumped my stuff and then cruised down Th Khao San to pick up the bag I'd left in storage and obtain a couple of fake student ID cards.

All that accomplished it was back to my hostel to get a couple of pairs of pants tailored. Two hours later I was getting a coat custom tailored for my Eastern European adventure. It saved me time and money in London but meant I couldn't make the crosstown trek to the muay thai.

It did leave me enough time to check out the Imperial Palace which was quite amazing. Stunning little temples with gilded Buddahs, tiled stupas and even a mini Angkor Wat. Then I cruised down to Wat Pho to see the reclining Buddah.

At more than forty metres in length, with his feet standing over ten metres high it was very cool indeed. When I get the pictures I'll post them. Then for the next hour or so I proceeded to get incredibly lost in the disorientating gardens.

Then on my last day I cruised out to Chattachak Markets... the so called Grandaddy of all Markets!!! It was amazing. In the six hours I was there I saw about a 1/5 of what there was to see. But for a man on a mission with a shopping list as long as somebody else's legs, it was perfect. With fifteen t-shirts, two fake watches, a pair of gloves and a pair of fake sunnies I was all set for the icy extremes of the Baltic winter.

To finish the day off I went for a bit of a cruise on the Sky Train then it was back to my hostel to kill some time before it was on to the airport to sit in a departure lounge for five hours.

A Little Steam

See this whole blog I've been completely diplomatic and well positively full of praise for this whole wild experience. But now I'm back on Th Khao San and it's time to unleash the inner c*&t that lives inside. I've been here a little over twelve hours and I know exactly why the Daffy Duck character kills himself at the beginning of Alex Garland's The Beach.

#1 See I was at the Royal Palace today and I was watching a phalanx of Chinese package tourists and they were all wearing a uniform - white tracksuit pants and green t-shirts with some sort of slogan on them. And here I was thinking how stupid they looked until I got back to Th Khao San and was reminded that the travellers here have also, albeit informally, areed on a uniform. Beer Singha t-shirts (or similar tops for the girls, fisherman pants and sandles that look worse than the ones I got teased for wearing in Grade Three. You'd think there was an agency that kitted them all out. It's like they go through customs and go "Wow I'm in Thailand, time to be a fuckwit!" I mean with that many fisherman's pants you'd think the streets would be awash with fish, prawns and lobsters. I could go on but I think I'll finish wit the simple statement that's there's probably more fuckwits in this postcard than anywhere else on Earth, save for the Annual National Young Liberal's Convention.

#2 George Bush has it all wrong. Terrorists aren't the real threat, it's north Asian package tourists. If Hu Jintao, Roh Moo-Hyun and Jonichuro Koziumi were all to get together and drop the motherload of package tourists on us we'd first be blinded by an atomic strength explosion of flash photography before being suffocated under the sheer weight of numbers.

#3 I swear Bangkok was designed by Jackson Pollock in one of his drunker moments. And the public transport system was surely conceived on Hat Rin the morning after a Full Moon Party still tripping on a shoeload of mushrooms!

Anyway that's me for now. I'm never truly happy unless something is really pissing me off and I'll be in the freezing Baltics before I know it anyhow.

Disco on the Train

So if any of you were concerned about our intrepid adventurer and the recent flooding in south central Thailand you'll be happy to know that my train was stranded by flood waters for about three hours. Not to worry we were stopped at a train station where you could by cigarettes and the train had a disco car where a bunch of drunken farangs, egged on by the kathoey head waitress, sang along to Destiny's Child.

Plus my train got in around 9 rather than the completely uncivilised and impractical 5:30.

Wealth and Responsibility

I was talking to an Aussie chick who runs a climbing shop in TonSai the other day. We were talking about the disparity in money between us farangs and the Thais.

I've never felt a feeling of shame comparable to asking a shopkeepr to break a 1000 baht note for a packet of smokes when I know full well that the average thai earns 7000 - 17000 baht a month. And in the scheme of things that 1000 baht note means nothing to me.

With great wealth comes great responsibility.

Fear the Monitor Lizard

Today marks the last day of Adventure Tour Thailand 2005. I booked in for my last kayaking trip - through the canyons and mangroves of Ao Thalane. It came highly recommended by a former tour guide I met in Ton Sai. Unfortunately it started raining about 10:00 last night and still hasn't stopped. Plus the tides are particularly bad at this time of the month so large parts of the mangrove forest were inaccessible. The guide on Ton Sai warned me of this.

Anyway we set out for our paddle (with an ex St. Lauries guy who now lives in Tarragindi) and did indeed do the canyon which was breathtaking. Unfortunately it was pissing down so my photos probably wont turn out so well. The canyon stands about 150 metres tall and the mangrove stream meanders through it ballooning out into beautiful basins from time to time. The cliffs are covered with lush green tropical trees and mist.

On the way back we stopped off to look at a sandbar holding literally several hundred star fish and then later in the afternoon I spotted an elusive monitor lizard. Kind of similar to goannas, the Thais are quite afraid of these carnivores.

And with that dramatic full stop the adrenalin charged days of Adventure Tour Thailand came to a close. The final scorecard stands: White water rafting - 1, Sea Kayaking - 3, Mountain Biking - 1, Rock Climbing - 1. I guess elephant riding and snorkelling, especially when you don't see sharks, don't really count.

I Found Nemo

In the issues of brevity (after all this blog will have untold European adventures to report in a week) I've decided to try and blog all of Phi Phi in one, or maybe two posts.

Day One of Phi Phi started as low key as any other Phi Phi day, with a leisurely breakfast overlooking Phi Phi Ley. Maybe some french toast, coffee, a fruit shake and some fresh fruit, a peak at the news headlines on their big screen satelite tv and then I headed back to my bungalow to anticipate the day.

On the way I met a Canadian girl who was on Phi Phi with her boyfriend to do a little climbing (there are some fuck off big cliffs down by Ton Sai). But today was their snorkelling day and they were looking for intrepid pals to join them in a longboat charter. With no plans and no inclinations I jumped at the chance.

They loaded us into the longtail complete with water, fried rice and fresh fruit and we set out for Phi Phi Ley. First stop Maya Bay, the beautiful sea lagoon popularised by The Beach. Which means that flotillas of tourist boats ferry in from Ko Lanta, Ko Phi Phi, Phuket, Ao Nang, Krabi and basically anywhere else within range. Nevertheless if you can block all the traffic out it's quite serene to be in a lagoon that's basically enclosed by huge limestone cliffs. In two corners there are beautiful white beaches.

While the coral is nothing to write home about (scarred by bad anchoring and tsunami trauma) the schools of tropical fish that call it home are. This was my first time snorkelling and I quickly fell in love with the serenity of watching these beautiful, rainbow coloured fish dart in and out of the coral. It's kind of like kayaking except the fish were much prettier than your standard mullet and you could see a little deeper than 10cm.

After Maya Bay we cruised through Phi Phi's other main bay on our way to lunch at Bamboo Island. Bamboo Island is a bit of a scam. It does have a nice beach and some good snorkelling but it's also home to a chao naam (sea gypsy) village so the longboat drivers get to go home for lunch. But I did get to hang out with some of the driver's and one of them who spoke a little English translated a bunch of amazing tsunami stories. Then we headed out to an offshore reef for some more snorkelling and I even spotted my first sea urchin.

In fact snorkelling left so much of an impact on me I went back later that week on a bigger boat to hit up Maya Bay, the other Phi Phi bay as well as a couple of other spots nearby.

Ton Sai

See after a week and a half on another planet I'm almost update. I don't think I'm doing to badly, not when you consider Bill Clinton sent a grand total of two emails in his two terms in office.

So it's time to blog Ton Sai . I rocked up to Ton Sai not really knowing where to go on Railay but having an idea that there was some good sea kayaking in the area. The lonely planet suggested that the climbers beach, Ton Sai, had the cheapest digs so after getting dropped off on the other beach I hitched a ride on a long tail and walked up into the jungle to bed down in the cheapest room of the trip.

Railay has an international reputation with climbers owing to the steep, cragged limestone cliffs that enclose it. Ton Sai in particular is enclosed on three sides by cliffs, the ocean blocks the other one. That means that everybody there, bar me, seemed to be a climber. There were a handful of dive instructor's waiting for the high season to start and one lonely sea kayaker.

But after I while I got into the vibe of the place and got used to barrom conversations that went a little like this:

"So man do you climb? We had a super awesome day out there on Fire Wall. The cliffs are super juggy. I can't wait to try out my new skills when I get home."
"No I'm here to do a little sea kayaking and chill out a bit."
"Oh."
Cue adjacent bar stool suddenly becoming empty.

But seriously it was a cool, super chilled out place with some really mellow reggae bars ands some cool people. There were no roads on the island and no electricty while the sun was out which made it a little hard to buy ice cream. It's one place I'd like to go again and it is interesting to watch all these climbers, this whole other sub-culture, worshipping at their mecca.

As for the sea kayaking part of it there was an English bloke named John who rented out proper expedition kayaks so on my third day I booked on out for the whole day and headed around it to the next bay cruising through rock formations and generally scoping shit out. Then I cruised out into the open water to tackle the five k's to the island Ko Poda which had a stunning beach. Unfortunately it was chockers with day trippers in long boats. So I hung out for a while, rested and then cruised through the rest of the islands in the group. Their was a gorgeous sandbar... with sixty-seven long tail boats anchored on it and another couple of remoter islands. Then finally at about three it was time to paddle the unforgiving, exhausting five k's back to the beach.

I did a half day climbing cause that I booked through a girl named Louise who is an All Hallow's Old Girl. Small world huh? The climbing was fun though my skills weren't anything Napoleon Dynamite would boast about. But through persistence,a school year worth of chalk and a lot of resting I final got to the top of my second climb. Then our guides took us for a little caving, with one headlamp between the four of us and then we had a twenty metre abseil down the otherside to finish the day.

So that's Railay in a nutshell. A stunning, chilled place where you can be as active as you want during the day, watch the sunset from the beach with a frosty Singha and then spend the night chilling in a ramshankle, non descript reggae bar.

Cheeky Little Monkeys

A little under two weeks ago a bunch of tourists looked at me like I was crazy when I was running around excitedly telling everybody I'd seen monkeys. Little did I know that I would see monkeys on the same beach two days later and then monkeys, more monkeys this time, on another beach. Then when I moved to Railay I saw a butload of macaques grabbing fruit in a tree on the end of Hat Rai Leh West. Then the next day I saw the local troop of monkeys at Ton Sai, the beach where I was staying, as they marched up to the jungle the old fashioned way... along the power lines. But then on my final day at Ton Sai I realised why the Thai guys carry around slingshots to pick off the little muthafuckas. It was like a huge monkey party in the jungle just outside my room. The monkeys kept coming up onto my balcony and taking everything out of the bin, they were climbing and jumping from tree to tree, a couple were climbing on the roof and then when I turned my back two snuck into my room and where about to undo all my clever packing. Then as a postcript I saw more monkeys the next day in Krabi when I went to wat. In fact I had to throw stones at the little fuckers to clear a path up 1200 stairs.

The Ladies From London

These three lovely women from the city I may soon be calling my own certainly deserve a mention. Helen, broadcaster, Lizzy, future commercial lawyer and Sarah, fashion photographer extraordinaire, were all members of the initial one day tour I did to Maya Bay.

During the tour my judgemental tendencies were getting the better of me, influence largely by Sarah's Thailand braids. I mean all kinds of people out here have them and most of them look like Phuket fuckwits. Anyway after the boat ride I hiked into town with them to check out the path. Later that night we bonded at the full moon party. But the moment of truth came when the tropical evening broke into late monsoon and like mogwai turning into gremlins my seemingly sedate friends suddenly became the life of the party.

In all seriousness though I spent much of the next two days hanging out with them and they were as sound as the pound. After all the "travellers",listless journeymen and naive GAP yearers, it was nice to meet the kind of people I'd enjoy having conversations with back home. We even played Scrabble which ended as all good boardgames do... everyone get's tired and is happy to abandon the game.

The Little Fuckers Ripped Into My Bag!

I got time to do one sea kayaking trip on Phi Phi it was just a shame the kayak was crap, the paddle was worse and I didn't have more time to do the second one. Nevertheless after a typically lazy Phi Phi morning (if my memory serves me correctly I got shitfaced at the "full moon" party with the London Ladies the night before) and haggling unsuccessfully over the price of a longboat to Ton Sai, I set out to walk to the main beach. A kayak vendor happily referred me to a guy renting single seaters (most of them were doubles)in the other bay. After a long walk I still couldn't find him so I had to settle on a double. No matter me thinks, I'm a hardy paddler. Unfortunately a hardy paddler needs a hardy paddle, I had something with about as much grunt as a Hyundai Excel.

Nevertheless I cruised out of the bay, around the rugged headland and on to the first beach. What a suprise when I was in for when I beached the kayak and realised I'd washed up on Monkey Beach. There were monkeys everywhere. That was when I discovered that with all the provisions I'd bought I'd forgotten film. I got two happy snaps of our simian friends and was left to watch them for an hour or so. The couple who operate the monkey feeding stall had actually only returned to the spot three days ago for the first time since Boxing Day.

Later when I tired a little of the monkeys I headed out into the water to see if I could spot any fish. My gear was carefully packed into a dry bag, then my backpack before being wrapped in a garbage bag so it was with some suprise when I surfaced to find two cheeky little monkeys ripping through the garbage bag and struggling with the zippers. The monkey food vendor chased them off but a lesson was learnt.

I spent the rest of the afternoon crossing the channel between two main headlands - hard work and a long paddle but I was finally rewarded with my own empty beach where I kicked back until I regained enough strength to head back.

It's quite an experience paddling in southern Thailand when you pull up close to towering karst cliffs that rise dramatically out of the ocean to heights of a hundred metres or more. To be able to paddle through small seaworn gaps in these cliffs is exhilirating.

The Ko Samet Girls

Bye bye Patong - I'll miss you, like I miss the flu I had in Chiang Mai.

Another day of transit, this time by boat to Phi Phi. The boat ride was uneventful but luckly as I got off the boat and into my first long boat I met the Ko Samet girls. But before a word on the Ko Samet girls, a word on long tail boats. The long tail boats are so named because their propellors drape behind them on the end of elongated tails designed to let the boats manouever in shallow waters. This is particularly important around Phi Phi, and other parts of the Andaman Seal, because of all the coral reefs that show up almost everywhere. Combine these with submerged rocks and major tidal fluctuations and you've got a fair bit for your humble boat pilot to contend with.

But back to the Ko Samet girls. The Ko Samet girls where three 19 year old girls from Sweden who'd just spent two weeks on Ko Samet. They went on about Ko Samet so much I wanted to slice them up into little pieces, scoop them into envelopes and mail them back there. But seriously it was quite helpful. We shared a longtail down to Hat Yao (Long Beach), the quite cousin to the flashy Ton Sai. Long Beach got its name because it's quite long:) So while I was rueing the thought of truding down the whole way with my backpack in search of the cheapest digs I hit upon a wonderful idea, why not leave the bags with one of the Swedes to mind them.

Good thing we did because we eventually found Phi Phi Hill , the cheapest and most scenic place on Long Beach. The only catch was it's up about fifty stairs, some of them dangerously steep. They have a special pulley system rigged up to help you with your bags. So I checked into Phi Phi, fell in love with the sweeping ocean views from my front verandah and settled into the sweeping vista of Phi Phil Ley from the restaurant's deck.

Transit Day

From Chiang Mai to Bangkok to Phuket then minibus to Patong. 9 hours!!!!.

Patong is wonderful, like a Thai version of Bali. Seriously I saw four Aussie blokes yell Aussie Aussie Aussie - Oi Oi Oi then stick their bums out of a saengtaew.

I have been that proud since our Prime Minister let several hundered people drown in the ocean to help himself get elected.

What Goes Up Must Come Down

Sunday Night was also the first night of one of Thailand's most beautiful festivals - Loy Krathong. The festival celebrates the conclusion of the rainy season. Some of the features include floating krathong's down the river and also lighting some mini hot air balloon kind of things.

So I cruised into Old Town very late to meet Marissa and Paul before we toured the walking night street market. The old wall, the gates and the moat looked absolutely incredible, lit up with floating candles every half a metre. Took some pictures by Tap Gae Gate, watched the hot air balloon thingys and then cruised through the nightmarkets eating Pad Thai, corn on the cob, pineapple, coconut shakes and all kinds of crazy things. There were also some of the most incredible paintings, jewellry and photography. Sadly I don't have a house to decorate.

Then we cruised back to Soi 3 and set off our own hot air balloon thingys. Mind crashed and burned in Soi 3 but the other one took off, flew for a while and then crashed into a nearby street.

Elephant Riding - It's Crap But You've Got to Do It

Today was the day of my illustrious elephant ride. An extra 400 baht tacked on to my white water rafting trip. Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, I spoke to said Elephant riding - "It's crap... but you've got to do it." So me and two other pairs of girls climbed aboard our elephant with all the excitement and trepidation Thailand's gloriously (and frighteningly) unregistered tourism industry has to offer.

I had no mahout on my actual elephant though he was roaming in the general vicinity shouting out all kinds of commands. Turns out elephants speak Thai, bet you didn't know that! Anyway elephant riding is crap... but you've got to do it. Thankfully my little experience only lasted for about half an hour so when I was over frantically gripping the handles on the seat, especially when it goes downhill, I could get off and head on to the days real business.

Rafting, what can I say - the water was running, the rapids were great, there were a couple of gnarly sections and when can I go again?

Doi Suthep and the Shopping Mall

Wow this all seems so long ago. On Saturday I got up bright and early with Paul and Marissa and went to some swishy middle class Thai/farang coffee joint at the end of their soi. After that we cruised around town a little bit, did a few errands and then caught a sangtaew to the top of Doi Suthep, the highest mountain in Chiang Mai. It actually overlooks the entire town.

At the top of the hill, a wonderfully painful curving road designed to bring out the motion sickness in the most travel hardy - there is a Buddhist wat. But to get to the Buddhist wat you have to climb a couple of hundred stairs. But the view from the top was worth it. It was a beautifully clear day and you could see all of Chiang Mai. The wat is also quite impressive. Leafed with gold, its spire (I can't remember the proper architectural term for it) looked absolutely stunning against the crystal clear blue sky.

Then it was down the steps again stopping of for a pork crackling pitstop. At the bottom of the hill there is a poor sad elephant to feed. It was the first elephant I saw in Thailand so that was quite exciting and I got this fantastic photo of this tiny child feeding the elephant. I swear the elephant was about to swallow him like a peanut.

In the afternoon we went to the airport mall to check out life - middle class Thai style. It was a suprisingly uneventul mall though I did discover that Ipod's are no cheaper over here and the accessories are significantly dearer.

The evening yielded the best shopping trip of the entire sojourn. We headed off to some markets in short of a belt and discovered these amazing student markets filled, not with Von Dutch and Diesel knock offs, but one off t-shirts, second hand gear and generally all round cool stuff. Then we finished off the night with a swisho dinner in some fancy tapas bar in old town. God damn locals never want to eat the Thai food :)

Tourists are Wankers

Did the Chiang Mai Night Bazaar last night. Marissa and Paul told me it was a bit touristy but geez I was shocked. It's nothing but a trumped up version of the Riverside Markets where you argue with the shopkeeper over prices. I mean if you're into fake Von Dutch and Diesel then I guess this would be your mecca. And by the hordes of package tourists swallowing it up, along with their Macca's and Starbucks, I guess it is Jerusalem for some sad consumers. There were some nice lamps and furniture and some awesome toys made out of discarded bike parts but nothing I could really fit in a backpack and lug halfway around the world. Katie scored a fair bit of stuff though.

Oh and off the subject I might as well mention that the Old Town of Chiang Mai has this really cool moat and a several hundred year of wall that's pretty cool to walk around.

What Goes Up Must Come Down

With the flu finally behind me it was time embrace adventure tourism Chiang Mai style. In anticipation of my good health I signed up for a downhill mountainbiking trip the day before.

A hearty breakfast, a hair raising climb up Doi Suthep, a crummy safety lecture from some American wanker and then it was time to get kitted out with chest pads, arm guards, gloves, helmets, knee guards and elbow guards before careening down 1600 metres of rain rutted paths.

With two Kiwi girls, a couple from England and two crazy Thai guides we cruised down the mountain for more than four hours stopping off to recharge at a coffee plantation en route.

While we were kitting up I was thinking the padding was a bit over the top but little did I know that I would come a cropper not once, not twice but thrice. And I've got bruises on my knees and shins to prove it.

The tracks had been heavily rutted out by recent rains which made them tricky but for the most part they were incredible. Awesome stretches of hell-for-leather downhill through lush jungle, then some uphill parts, a little slowler technical downhill and then some more spped. We even passed a small Hmong village. One of my stacks was actually in front of a couple of kids in the village who found me most amusing amusing in a Three Stooges kind of way.

On the way we saw a Hmong (hill tribe) couple cleaning carrots up for the markets so our guide snaggled a couple for us and then later we feasted on fresh pappaya freshly cut from the tree. The little trip ended with a peaceful but spicy lunch by a lake.

Finally Over the Flu

So since we last spoke I seem to have settled into CM quite nicely. Perhaps it was getting over the flu or perhaps it was another case of the Woodford syndrome ie. after you get used to the hippies they stop bugging you.

On Thursday I had the strangest experience. I was wondering around CM trying to suss out a white water rafting trip when I ran into a girl I used to work with at Garuva (Sally) who moved over to Thailand in about 2001. Bizarre. Anyway I spent most of rest of the day feeling sick so I went home, went to sleep and woke up feeling a million times better.

I had a plate of Kao Sui with Marissa and Paul - undoubtedly the best thing I've eaten since I've been here. It's like a noodle soup with pork. Delicious. Then after M & P bailed - they're working people with jobs ya know - I scouted around in the crazy little bars behind my cheap as chips guesthouse. There's was a couple of Rasta ones and one called Heaven Beach that was actually built on sand. Maybe they just couldn't be bothered laying a floor but whatever, the ambience was great. Cover bands, cheap beers and some cool people.

Prisoner Escapes from Kerobokan

Somebody please notify the Indonesian police. It seems Newcastle's finest heroin smuggler has escaped and aided by some makeup advice from Michelle Leslie and some media advice from Corby she's got a new gig spruiking air conditioners for Daikin in Thailand. (This post will make more sense when I scan the picture)

Day One: Chiang Mai - Or Flu Robs Boy Of Creative Titles

Caught the train up from BKK overnight. It was quite a pleasent experience except for the fact that it's near impossible to sleep on a lurching diesel train with bright cabin lighting assaulting your eyes. Got a super cheap plate of rice meat and fried egg on the train though which was good because the dried mango I bought was horrible.

I got into Chiang Mai at about 6 this morning so I grabbed the first tuk tuk driver I could see, pointed to the best looking hostel in LP and I was off. Cruising through the early morning streets I got to see monks begging for alms which was cool. Unfortunately when I got to my hostel it was booked out until 10 am. Me, having barely slept for what seems like the last five nights and feeling sick as a dog, didn't exactly relish the thought of trudging through the streets for four hours until a room was available but what else was I supposed to do? They let me leave my backpack so I went off in search of breakfast.

After breakfast I decided to do a tour of various wats around town. Call me uncultured but something about 500 year old Buddhist temples doesn't exactly float my boat. Still I did see some cool ones with beautiful Buddahs and for 100 baht I let loose a family of birds from a cane cage. It's supposed to give you good luck. Then it was back to my hotel for a sleep. I still feel like shit but it's a flu so it should pass soon.

I'm off to Paul's place tonight which should be good.

And another thing... I'm getting to love Thai - English spelling. The best I've seen all day is "Gordon Blue" (Cordon Bleu). Also I'm thinking about buying some Thai clothes but the thing is if I do I'll just end up looking like Kent.

Hope all is well and Howard's keeping you safe.

A Plate of Banana Pancakes But I Couldn't See Leo

So here it is, after nine hours on a plane - that didn't have individual tv's or video games despite that being my sole brief to the dickheads at STA. To add insult to injury they screened The Perfect Man (Hilary Duff) and some Tom Green garbage (not Jumanji and Twister) but at least the food was probably the best I've ever eaten on a plane.

I finally made it to Bangkok. It was only a brief three hours before I made it to the second guesthouse I tried on Th Khao San.

Khao San was a bit of an eye opener. I was expecting some sort of wild party street but instead it was a pretty grimy spot lined on both sides with an even spread of Thais and farangs drinking beer in the gutter. But I did find a decent room that cost me about $10, which I think is kind of expensive but it was 3AM my time and I couldn't exactly be bothered haggling over $2.

Then this morning I got up, still plagued by the flu, swallowed some sort of sore throat iodine soloution and a handful of cold and flu tablets and went out to face the day. Th Khao San seems better during the day, just tonnes of shops selling pirate gear. (Not puffy shirts, doubloons and pieces of eight - CD's, Von Dickhead and Diesel etc.) Importantly though I did find someone selling bootleg student cards so that should do me and Kate quite well in Europe.

Oh and for anybody who ever read Alex Garland's very average The Beach, I had banana pancakes and despite the fact that this post would seem to indicate to the contrary, they were nothing to write home about.

More updates from the Chiang Mai side of things.

What this Blog Wont Be!-

II was reading on Lonely Planet Thorn Tree forum about two Aussie travelers excitedly comparing notes for their overseas trip. And I quote:

St. Paddy's Day in Dublin
the Bulls in Pamplona
Turkey for ANZAC day
Oktoberfest in Munich

Makes you wonder how you can squeeze enough cases of VB, Shannon Noll CD's and Collingwood scarves into your luggage.