A Little Steam

See this whole blog I've been completely diplomatic and well positively full of praise for this whole wild experience. But now I'm back on Th Khao San and it's time to unleash the inner c*&t that lives inside. I've been here a little over twelve hours and I know exactly why the Daffy Duck character kills himself at the beginning of Alex Garland's The Beach.

#1 See I was at the Royal Palace today and I was watching a phalanx of Chinese package tourists and they were all wearing a uniform - white tracksuit pants and green t-shirts with some sort of slogan on them. And here I was thinking how stupid they looked until I got back to Th Khao San and was reminded that the travellers here have also, albeit informally, areed on a uniform. Beer Singha t-shirts (or similar tops for the girls, fisherman pants and sandles that look worse than the ones I got teased for wearing in Grade Three. You'd think there was an agency that kitted them all out. It's like they go through customs and go "Wow I'm in Thailand, time to be a fuckwit!" I mean with that many fisherman's pants you'd think the streets would be awash with fish, prawns and lobsters. I could go on but I think I'll finish wit the simple statement that's there's probably more fuckwits in this postcard than anywhere else on Earth, save for the Annual National Young Liberal's Convention.

#2 George Bush has it all wrong. Terrorists aren't the real threat, it's north Asian package tourists. If Hu Jintao, Roh Moo-Hyun and Jonichuro Koziumi were all to get together and drop the motherload of package tourists on us we'd first be blinded by an atomic strength explosion of flash photography before being suffocated under the sheer weight of numbers.

#3 I swear Bangkok was designed by Jackson Pollock in one of his drunker moments. And the public transport system was surely conceived on Hat Rin the morning after a Full Moon Party still tripping on a shoeload of mushrooms!

Anyway that's me for now. I'm never truly happy unless something is really pissing me off and I'll be in the freezing Baltics before I know it anyhow.