I Bless the Rains Down in Africa

TOTTENHAM COURT ROAD: So since I've last blogged I haven't exactly done a lot except register patients for the Charring Cross Hospital and hang out in BK and Rod's flat listening to the Piccadilly Line trains rumble past just outside the window.

On the weekend I got locked out of the apartment and had to wait around in the hallway for three hours in my socks, trousers and t-shirt. The landlord, who was on his way back from Plymouth, suggested I go get something to eat and meet him back there later. Unfortunately there aren't too many places you can go for a feed in London in socks with no wallet. And it also meant I missed a reading by the fantastic American poet Andrea Brady at the Hammersmith Irish Club which would, had I been able to get back into the apartment, have been only a brief fifteen minute stroll up the road.

Saturday was a similar kind of disaster of missed appointments but things finally did get turned around when I went to river for a pint and a sunset with Charlie and Jess. On the way there, walking past the Hammersmith Apollo, who should we behold but... Toto. And I'm not talking about Dorothy's dog. No those prog rock geniuses behind such hits as "Africa" and, well "Africa", were braving the cold and signing autographs for their legions (12-18) of fans.

Later that night I went out to my cousin David's place in North London for fine lamb, wine and conversation and then back to Ladbroke Grove for a pumping house party. So all in all, while it was massively unsuccessful and resolutely uncultured, it was nevertheless a good weekend.

An Excuse To Visit Toilets That Alan Jones Could Have Used

CHARING CROSS LIBRARY: Your able narrator has been selected to take part in The Red Room Company's Toilet Doors project for 2006. Click on the image below to get all the skinny.

A Day at the Library

BARONS COURT: So it would seem that our intrepid unemployed adventurer finally has something to report after more numbing days of hanging out in internet cafes applying for jobs, taking numeracy tests in employment agencies, watching the footy and sitting on couches.

Yesterday, after a stop off at the pub to watch the Reds account for United in the Cup, I headed across the road to the British Library where I spent a lazy afternoon looking at original manuscripts of everybody from George Eliot to Wilfred Owen to James Joyce (whose scribbled manuscript for ' Wake actually looked more legible than the published version!). There were original envelopes on which John Lennon had scrawled lyrics, and copies of Motzart's original compositions, and a various copies of The Book of Hours, and books printed by Guttenburg and Jane Austen. It was wonderful and then I went downstairs where there was an exhibition on Alfred Nobel and the Nobel Prize. Highlight being the listening booth where I got to hear an original interview with William Faulkner and Ernest Hemingway! (Seperate, not together). There were also some wonderful experimental short films.

Then I came home and played Scrabble and it seems, through some wonderful stroke of luck, that my good fortune at drawing letters has persisted.

Anyway my friends this Wednesday I have a lucrative gig stapling so I will let you know how this wonderful employ tests my problem solving abilities.

I Am Still Steve Jobs' Bitch

SHE BU: You might find it suprising to know there is more to IPOD's than becoming Steve Jobs' bitch, hearing damage and wankers with white headphones. This afternoon I scrolled on over to a Smiths compilation that Rob put on my IPOD. I clicked on their classic "This Charming Man" and discovered, contrary to what my crummy dub of a dub tape copy purported on my walkman, that the song actually contains quite a beautiful melody line that counterpoints Morrissey's sad harmonies. And to think this had been hidden from me for years by reduced sound quality and tape hiss. On "This Charming Man" in particular it brings out the joyous melancholy of the best pop music.

32 Job Applications on the Wall... If One of Them Should Fall

SHEPHERD'S BUSH: This whole dateline thing would be more interesting if I had a Wifi enabled laptop and I could be bringing you the noise live from, say, Covent Square Garden or outside Buckingham Palace. But alas, I still have no job so therefore no laptop for at least another month. Certainly not one that's Wifi enabled. Anyway London is going fine, thanks for asking.

I notched up job application No. 32 this morning and even had an interview with a market research company. Fingers crossed I should be doing something, other than applying for jobs, by the end of the week. It's been hard, even for somebody with such exemplary typing skills as I.

Anyway the lack of job means lack of money means very limited sightseeing however I did find time to visit parts of the London Museum on the weekend. I say parts because, well, I live here now and I can go back to see the rest of it at my leisure. They had a fantastic collection of ancient arrowheads, and flints and basically everything the neanderthal man needed to be happy (except for Rugby League). I also checked out St. Pauls which, from the outside, was hugely impressive. But I'm still too poor to stump up for the £6 entry fee but I'll go back when I'm CEO of Halliburton.

Anyway hope you're all well.

When Bad Kids Stay Bad

Saw Larry Clark's Bully the other night. Nihilistic, depraved, voyeuristic and vaguely pornographic (that could actually be any of Clark's films) it is the story of a group of jaded Floridian teenagers who decide to kill one of their social circle, the bully of the film's title. Anyway after the murder the whole thing unravels at the speed of light until all participants end up behind bars. In fact their stupidity seemed to be typical of so many murders where the police are able to locate the culprits within forty-eight hours. Extremly disturbing - but easily the best film I've seen in a while.

Collingwood Get Their Own TV Station

SHEPHERD'S BUSH: From the Herald Sun, re: Eddy's seemingly inevitable promotion to the top job at Channel 9:

"It's good for Ed if he gets the position but if it means he stands down as president of Collingwood it's a big loss and the end of an era," said cheer squad identity Joffa Corfe.

"It's sad that while he was here he never saw a premiership. If ever a president of a footy club deserved a flag it was Ed."

Why Joffa why? You were at both Grand Finals. We took off your stupid gold coat and rammed it back up your bogan arse. You got kicked so badly in 2003 that I heard Eddie was thinking about renaming them the Collingwood Budgies.

All Eddie managed to do, other than give a home to spineless shitkickers like Rhyce Shaw and Leon Davis, in his tenure at Collingwood was to constantly expose them for the whinging sissies we know they are!

PS. Excuse the profanity but you really should know THIS Aussie bogan HATES Collingwood.

Apple Vodka is Evil

SHEPHERD'S BUSH, INTERNET CAF: Not to self, starting a quite night with a couple of apple vodka's that go down easier than an Essex girl is not a fail safe way to have a quite night. In fact it's a shortcut to wankered-dom.

Nevertheless after sleeping through my alarm three times we finally made it out of the house and embarked on a mad scramble across town to try and catch out Megabus. Much breathlessness and chewed nails later we were safely on a couch heading to Brum. But my greatest challenge had not yet arrived. It would seem I would need to spend every part of my concentration holding nausea at bay for the next hour and a half. Luckily I was successful, we made it to Birmingham and were only a couple of unhelpful cab rides away from Mick's mates.

We had a great time in Birmingham. Saw all the sites... Mick's mates living room, a local off license, the service station, a curry shop, back to Mick's mates living room. Seriously though after we finally did get away today we saw downtown Brum and it proved to be quite a pretty little place. It would seem that somebody has poured about eighteen buckets of cash over the town centre in the last two years because everything is all chrome and glass.

Anyway friends, good night and good luck.

Some Myths About the Sceptred Isle

RAYNER'S LANE LIBRARY:

#1 The English never shower - They do. They just have these spectacularly crap showers with no water pressure.

#2 The Tube is a good way to get around - Uh-uh! While it might cover most of London it's extortionately expensive and if a butterfly flaps its wings in Indonesia three entire lines are likely to close for nine hours.

#3 The Happy Mondays were good - They weren't. And they have about as much in common with soul music as Perry Como.

On the upside we visited Trafalgar Square yesterday which was very cool, and Piccadilly Circus which wasn't.