When I Grow Up I Want to Be Indianna Jones

By the time I got in to Krabi, found a room, then booked a bus ticket and a kayaking trip dark was fast approaching. But there was a wat in the Lonely Planet that had piqued my interest. With 1200 stairs and a cave complex how could it not. The only problem was that it was fifteen k's out of town.

There were directions for catching a sangtaew and I set off with the full intent of hitching a ride on the glorified minibus. However my resolve was tested by the first motorcycle taxi driver who accosted me. For only 300 baht I could arrive in style. Little did I know it would turn out to be the most extreme thing I did in Thailand.

So I held on for all my life and we tore off down the road towards the wat. A heart stopping ride later I was ready to climb 1200 stairs, some of them about a foot and a half high. But before I could get into the meat of the walk I had to contend with a troop of vicious monkeys. And the thing is with monkeys... they're smart. You can't just throw the rock in their general direction and hope they get the idea. You have to hit the little fuckers right between the eyes. So armed with a couple of rocks and a long stick they soon got the idea that I wasn't bluffing and fucked off leaving me alone to climb my stairs.

Here's the thing about 1200 stairs... it's a lot more than you think it is. Especially when there as steep as Everest in parts and you don't want to look behind you lest you fall victim to vertigo. But with deep puddles of sweat sticking my shirt to my chest I was finally rewarded with some cloud blocked vistas when I eventually made it to the top. There was a massive buddah, a couple of smaller statues and the loneliest soi dog in the world.

I was thinking this lonely dog must have lived up there but as it turns out the guy followed me down all 1200 stairs when I left leaving me to conclude that he must actually hike up the stairs everyday.

In addition to the stairs the lonely planet also pointed out a cave wat created by some sort of wacky Buddhist monk who was involved in some sort of serious cult of personality. So I found the caves, which were through another 200 or so stairs, and they were quiet cool if a little small.

Then I rambled around this jungle path in the fading light until I came across something called Snake Cave. Snake Cave, unlike the other caves on the circuit, was not lit up. I started to poke my head in but was then somewhat put off by the intimidating name. So feeling much like Indianna Jones I turned around and sent off down the path to home safe in the knowledge that I had avoided an encounter with a King Cobra.

A little further down the path, trodding along as happily as a Von Trapp, I felt the stick beside my foot move. Well if I didn't dance a tango to rival Tom the Chippy. Cut off my dick and call me a eunuch - there was an ugly little black snake at my foot. Suddenly the motorcycle taxi didn't seem like the most frightening part about my trip. Eventually I finished up along the park after a painstaking twenty minutes scanning every single twig in front of me before I set a foot down. The story ends though with a safe trip home before the taxi driver dropped me off at a night market for a cheap delicious street eat.