Little Known Facts About Chuck Norris

Leon sent this to me the other day. Awesome...

Little Known Facts About Chuck Norris:

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never
cried.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck
Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his
mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged
good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability.
Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck
roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't
stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming.
They now play poker every second Wednesday of the
month.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard
that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in
time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying
over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the
word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything
that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood
a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck
wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE
PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat.
Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he
bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five
months later he realized the irony of this statement
and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile
radius of the blast went deaf.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer.
Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for
2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only
to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.
Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down
until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby
Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to
his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus'
obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence
to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after
all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are
hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and
Order are trademarked names for his left and right
legs.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not
because he is gay, but because he has run out of
women.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply
pointing at her and saying "booya".

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you
can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away
from death.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper
clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop
the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the
alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It
was "more humane".

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met
Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his
finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time.
And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I
mean "babies".

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult
your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4
hours. His erections have been known to last for up to
15 days.

The original theme song to the Transformers was
actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck
Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris
as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a
pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single
show, however, so it was divided into two.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour.
He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his
waitress.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank
forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched
and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay
taxes. Ever.