In Russia With No Love

Call me Bond, James Bond. After arriving in Moscow on Sunday morning, Kate and I (the super sleuths that we are), have already infiltrated Lenin's tomb, visited St. Basil's, scoped out Red Square, window shopped at GUM, strolled the Arabat, experienced the Mayakovsky Musuem, cowered in front of the Lubyanka, wondered at the State Pushkin Museum and, most importantly, inflitrated the Kremlin.

We arrived on Sunday morning after an overnight train from St. Pete's on which Kate failed to sleep at all. Don't ask me how she does it, she's a special one. Anyway we schleped our backpacks over to the hostel, followed all the directions and ended up behind this apartment block.

I was still tired from too little sleep while Kate was bouncing off the walls from having no sleep at all. To ice the cake it was pissing down snow. So we rang the door bell. Bear in mind there's no hostel sign, nothing, just an empty suburban doorway. No answer. We ring and ring and ring again about fifteen times. Literally.

If you ever want something to happen light up a cigarette. I did. It worked. Somebody answered the doorbell and let us inside. We shcleped our bags into the elevator, rose seven stories and found the doorway. Still no sign.

Then some German guy answers the door in his jocks. He tells us he's a guest and then goes off to find the manager but it turns out she went clubbing last night and still hasn't come home. So the German guy goes back to bed and we sit down in the kitchen. We are litterally in somebody's kitchen. It's your standard, albeit large by Soviet standards, residential flat with two bedrooms converted into dorm rooms. Everyone's asleep and me and Kate are sitting there going... what the fuck?

We were worried there wasn't going to be enough room for us so I grilled every single person as they got up to find out when they were going home. Lucky for us most of them departed that afternoon so when the legendary Tanya finally did show up, bleary eyed, we did score a couple of beds. And it has turned out to be one of the coolest hostels I've ever stayed in.