The Continuing Saga of Chuck

GDANSK: More from the Chuck Norris files courtest of The Boner...

While playing the role of a Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot outs. When the director explained that he can't do that, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the
world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck
Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so
hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the
scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norrisi.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he
swiftly declined for a +500 gain to roundhouse
ability.

Chuck Norris is the only male to give birth. His only
child; Vin Diesel.

Every time Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick, an
angel gets its wings.

Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.

The letters in Chuck Norris' name can be rearranged to
spell "Doom" in twelve different languages, including
Esperanto, but not French.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was
experimenting with water.

Chuck Norris is the only person ever capable of
telling if an aircraft landed in soil by tasting it.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life.
Ever.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar,
Chuck would kick your ass and take your dollar.

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate
the entire cake before we could tell him there was a
stripper in it.

Chuck Norris volunteers at retirement homes just so he
can push old people in wheelchairs onto the freeway.

Helen Keller's favorite color was Chuck Norris.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was
"Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply
stared at him until he exploded.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was
that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but
was in fact teas-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not see dead people; he makes people
dead.

When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris
said, "say 'please'".